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Wow, wow. The Lord has been bombarding me with so much good, hard stuff here lately. Today was a wonderful day in the Lord! What He has been teaching me during the week was tied into today’s message. Tonight we delved deeper into it at home group and there were so many nuggets of truth that I just want to cling to and remember when I’m kickin’ and screamin’ this week over these hard days when I am at my end (or so I think!).

So, let’s just be honest. Life for me has been hard since Jude’s birth. I can’t seem to get things together. I know I’m in a season, a hard season of mothering. God is teaching me a lot. And it’s not been easy. My days are long and exhausting. I cry! Sometimes I cry out to the Lord and sometimes I just cry in self-pity. I’ve been reading the book Desperate, by Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae and I can tell you that’s the word that often describes me… desperate. But through it all, God is teaching me. So often, I just want things to be easier. But if things were easier, God couldn’t teach me. So, I get it.

In my mind, I’ve been trying to change my expectations and ideals to more realistic thoughts because as I said recently, I’m just miserably frustrated when I’m living in a world full of unrealistic ideals and expectations. This has helped me so much. In that, I’ve been seeking the Lord to give me His ideals. What does God want me to do? (that seems like a pretty obvious question but c’mon I know I’m not the only one who imposes her own ideals and expectations on herself and her family without seeking the Lord!) So, what has God shown me? Well, I’m still listening, but He’s given me some really good truths from all kinds of wonderful places.

Arabah Joy shared some tips last week about how to figure out the root of your emotions by looking through a few verses in the Psalms. Asking yourself a few simple questions will help you figure out what’s going on inside. I’m realizing that much of my despair and frustration is a result of my own selfishness. And also in my lack of trust that God is who He says He is; my Provider and my Sustainer. Oh, if I can just remind myself who God is!!

I’ve learned an abundance of applicable truths and help from Desperate and I’m not even quite finished with it yet. I think I might just read it again when I am! I’ll just share a little of what I’ve learned. One thing is regarding contentment. Remember miserable me? That is the opposite of contentment! The Lord is teaching me to learn to “accept and appreciate the limitations of a full and lively house.” (Sally Clarkson, Desperate) God is also cultivating in my heart a sense of ownership in my home. The home is my domain. It is where I fix meals for my family, where I oversee my children play, where my baby naps (sometimes!) and where I teach my little ones. Seeking God’s direction and His pouring into me, I can make it what I want to make it. And it will be what He wants it to be because I am actively seeking the Lord’s help on shaping my home. In fact, that is my responsibility. I’m learning to see joy in that and not “woe”. God has given me a great gift and I’m praying for Him to help me make a home that is exactly what my family needs (and let us me remember that does not mean perfection!). It’s going to take a big attitude change from me (and I’m a work in progress) but I don’t want my kids to remember a mother who was always frustrated or griping about how she loathed her work. As Sally says of our children, “they will eventually grow up and tell the story of their home.” My work and high calling is service to them. I also want my husband to find refuge within our walls from his dealings with the world and that isn’t possible with a grumpy wife! I want to communicate to my family that I am thankful for my work as a mom and wife.

Service to them… that brings me to what we discussed at home group. All of life is service to Christ. Yes, we as believers know that but I want to be a woman who is set on that. It’s more than just knowledge. There can be joy in my life’s work when it is devoted to Christ. I want to seek Him and not the world for what my life should look like! There is such freedom there! I am a steward to what God has given me. What will I do with it? One of the things that was pointed out was that stewards multiply their gifts or invest them (there is example of that throughout scripture). Applying that to the job of a mother and homemaker just means that I am investing in my children and my husband. I’m pouring myself out, with Christ as the ultimate example.

I’m slightly overwhelmed with all that I’m learning and the magnitude of it! I’ll fail, that’s for sure! But God is gracious and good and I can trust Him to forgive me and help me continue to learn as I walk with Him.

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P.S. I’ve been thinking of doing a book study in my home with the book Desperate… but my fears have kept me from acting on it! If anyone is interested let me know!

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