It’s 11:08 pm. I’m the only one awake and the house is quiet. I often stay up late because it’s the only time I get any time to myself. Yes, Jude still wakes through the night. Often. But I sacrifice sleep to drink a cup of tea alone and read. Some nights I’m too exhausted. For instance, two nights ago I fell asleep getting Jude to bed and woke up at 2am, realizing I hadn’t let the dog out or brushed my teeth and I still had my make up on. That is annoying. So, staying up eventually catches up with me but in the moment, I enjoy it!

Life in our home is a crazy adventure. This past week was insane. I told my online Bible study group that I felt like a hamster on a wheel. Except I wasn’t running on my own free will. I felt like someone kept spinning the wheel for me, while I did my best to keep up. Yesterday, I found myself longing to just sit down and rest. Rest my body and my mind. It wasn’t just that we were so busy (we were, especially the beginning of the week) but the stresses of everyday life were totally getting to me. Reality hit me hard in a few areas and I didn’t know how to handle it. I may have bursted into tears a few random times.

I had read my Bible and I was praying but I don’t think I was really listening to God. I know I’m not the only one who’s been there! It dawned on me tonight as I was reading (and trying so desperately to listen) that God has been pressing this truth into me the past two weeks and I’m listening:

I have full access to the Holy of Holies. I can enter in with confidence, just as I am, confess my failures, my doubt and disbelief, my sins and I can be assured that He will hear me and cleanse me. He will be my help. He is my High Priest.

“Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.” Hebrews 10:19-22

Last week the boys and I read the stories surrounding the crucifixion and then the actual event. It just happened to be our history lessons for the week. I even taught them about the meaning behind the curtain in the temple being ripped from top to bottom. I was excited as I told them about how Christ had died, once and for all! He made a way into the very presence of God. How quickly I forget. “Do not harden our heart,”  Hebrews three says. Crystal, “Heed the word. Do not harden your heart!” I knew the word, read the word and had even spoken it, but I was flailing about like I hadn’t. It’s so easy for our minds to become distracted by our circumstances.

I’m so thankful He didn’t let me go on without capturing my attention. He’s the perfect Father. I’m still thinking over this past week, wondering how things might have been different. No, not the circumstances but my attitude. There would have been less stress, less hurt, more confession, more thankfulness, more joy.

“For Christ has entered, not into holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true things, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf.” Hebrews 9:24

I have a High Priest, who appears before God on my behalf. There is no ritual that I must perform or have performed for me. I can enter in. These are truths that I know but often forget when my eyes are focused on other things. That is the great battle… what my attention is set on. I want my attention on Christ, trusting in what He became for me, my righteousness and way to the Father. Eagerly waiting for Him. Be encouraged believer. He has made a way for you. Lift your eyes.

“And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.” Hebrews 9:27-28